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Humor Chinese Top Ten Lists

There are many variations of those jokes being traded via e-mail. The lists are sometimes cruelly funny but often have so much truth to them.


Top Ten Reasons Why There Won't Be a Chinese American President Soon

10. White House is not big enough for in-laws.
9. Engineering, medicine, and law are always preferred over politics.
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the Washington Beltway.
6. Secret Service can't handle nagging from mother.
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
4. No chance for promotion.
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.

How To Be a Better Chinese American Parent (From a Second Generation Perspective)

  1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
  2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card. (Dad asks..."what, you don't like A+?")
  3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
  4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, or Stanford.
  5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
  6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
  7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut.
  8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
  9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
  10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet.

How To Be a Better Chinese American Kid (From a First Generation Perspective)

  1. Score 1600 on the SAT.
  2. Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.
  3. Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
  4. Have three hobbies: studying, studying, and studying.
  5. Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship to pay for it.
  6. Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
  7. Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.
  8. Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
  9. Marry a Chinese American doctor and have perfect, successful children.
  10. Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood ...especially the one about walking seven miles to school without shoes.

Why Asian Women Should Hang With Asian Men

  1. We know martial arts and if we don't it still looks like we do. If you do a couple of kicks that aren't too pathetic people will think you are a master. Good deterrent.
  2. We speak two languages. We can speak to you AND your parents. In other words we can pucker up for you and your parents.
    Note: You must be the same Asian race for this to apply.
  3. We can use chopsticks. In Asian restaurants we can split kimchee for you with chopsticks. Try that with a fork and spoon. We can also play table drums for you with chopsticks. How romantic...
  4. We like the same music you do. All that new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff.
  5. We are all gonna be rich doctors, engineers, and lawyers. That means only one thing for you, "Shopping Shopping and more Shopping" Wheee.
  6. We can be your geek on the street (We can help you with all your studying because we are naturally geniuses). Or we can be your stud in the pub (We can drink a lot and have that squinty eyed, drooping cig, drink in one hand, we are cool, look that will make you want to sit with us).
  7. We know what Asian babes want. Our moms told us.
  8. Our hairstyles are low maintenance. We just need a bowl and scissors.
  9. We not only know all about American culture we make a great looking couple.
  10. We are just as sensitive, understanding, and intelligent as the next American tough guy.

Credits: Author unknown